The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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