Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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