i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
