This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
