I've blown a few things in my day
someone owes me an orgasm
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
