I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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