I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
