Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
