my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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