What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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