Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
