just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
