Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
