I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
