And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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