I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
