If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
