I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
