I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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