Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
