Im at strip club and am horny
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
