You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
