Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
