My Higher Power is John Stamos
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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