i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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