We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
