that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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