I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
