its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
