I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
