i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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