I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
