Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
