Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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