He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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