just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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