i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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