Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
