I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
