For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
