Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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