today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
