I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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