WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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