I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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