I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
