You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
