i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
