god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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