Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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