Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
