We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
2020 sucks, I want a refund
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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