My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Randomize
