Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
