I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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