Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
