I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
