Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
