I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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