I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
