In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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