After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
