weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
