I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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