the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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