What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
