Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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