kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I have fence marks all over my body
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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