I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
