marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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