why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
