I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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